Apocalypto

Damn Mel Gibson anyway. Just when I've declared I'm never watching one of his movies again he goes and releases "Apocalypto"...and I loved it.

Bastard.

Okay, just ignore the director and focus on the movie. Apocalypto tells the story of an Indian named Jaguar Paw and his little tribe of happy-go-lucky 14th Century Central American Indian Tribe. We meet them while they're out hunting a Tapair. They run into another group of Indians who are hauling ass from something. You'd think that JP's group would get a clue, but hey, that's Happy-Go-Lucky Indians for you. Anyway, JP wakes up to the sound of a barking dog and then all hell breaks loose.

The Mayans have showed up looking for slaves and sacrifices. Their little strike-team makes quick work of JP's tribe and the next thing he knows he's seen his father's throat cut in front of him and he's hidden his pregnant wife and young son in a sink hole. Then next thing he knows he and the surviving members of the tribe and being hauled through the jungle and back to the big Mayan City. The men and women are seperated, the women are auctioned off and the men are painted blue and taken to the big temple for sacrafice.

Did the Mayans know how to party or what?

JP is played by first timer Rudy Youngblood and he's outstanding, as is the rest of the cast. Gibson does a great job of keeping the viewer in the story in spite of the entire film shot in ancient Mayan dialects. Do you remember high school social studies? Do you remember when they covered human sacrifice? Do you remember how boring they made it? Well, Mel gives us a front row seat. You have heart carving and then you've got heads rolling. Gibson brings those silent old Mayan ruins back to full and bloody life. He gives the impression of a culture that's living in excess and has become morally corrupt.

Included with the heart-carving and head-rolling, you've got throat cutting, Jaguar face-eating, a variety of arrow and spear wounds, head-crakin', old-school Indian first aid and Tapair-testicle eating.

There's also a classic "Midnight Cowboy" refference. I'm serious.

Here's why you should see it. This movie depicts an ancient culture that most white folks don't know much about. This movie is "Gladiator" for Hispanic folks and as a history buff I think it's about damned time that their ancient history get's a nod. We've sat through Samuri, Crouching Tigers, Jesus, Moses, Julius Caesar, Vikings, William Wallace and his crazy highlanders so why not Mayans?Also, everything you see in this movie actually happened multiple times, this was the real world and I think it will give you perspective on life.5 stars, but it's a soft five. Gibson gives us almost too much story.

The Protector

Finally, a movie that combines serious martial art-ass kicking and cute baby elephants.

Tony Jaa stars as Kham, a backwoods Thai-redneck who's family has raised elephants for generations. Kham and his father bring their elephants into town to be judged worthy of representing the King. Not so fast, Round Eye! It's actually a scam to steal the elephants and Kham doesn't figure this out until AFTER his father is killed and both family elephants are stolen. After a quick non-Democrat Party-supported interrogation of one of the bad guys, Kham is on the next plane to Australia.

Once he gets there he find himself in the middle of a complex and convoluted plot involving the Thai-Australian criminal underworld, corrupt Sydney cops and large numbers of unoccupied street thugs. The syndicate is run by dragon lady Madame Rose and her two henchmen, who have stolen the elephants for their mystical powers (Thai exclusive mystical powers). She has an insider in the police depaertment in the form of Officer Rick , short for officer Richard or Officer Dick.

Face it, if you're actually reading this review you don't care about the plot or charactor developement or script writing. That's good because neither did the people who made this movie. You only care about serious ass-kicking Asian dudes kicking serious ass. You are in luck because this movie has one long choreographed fight scene after another. The Jackie Chan acrobatic type stuff that's more like ballet for heterosexual men. Khan fights thugs on bikes, thugs on skates, thugs with flourecent lightbulbs, thugs on motorcycles, thugs on ATVs, big thugs, short thugs and well-dressed thugs. He fights in a werehouse, Bhudist Temple (on fire)and the gang hideout which is a nice multi-story job with a wide central staircase that's great for heaving bad-guys to their deaths.

This movie is vicerally satisfying. Don't bring your woman because there is so much testosterone that she'll grow a mustache by the end of the movie.

I give this one three stars and a big bag of peanuts.

Protocols Of Zion (DVD)

Director Mark Levin explores the rise of anti-Semitism after 9/11/2001. He starts with the myth (re: lies) that there were no Jews killed in the WTC attacks because they all had received anonymous phone calls from Mossad (Israeli intelligence) the night before warning them of the attack, which was also carried out by Israel and not Al Qaeda.

Levin is quickly directed to an old book called "The Protocols Of The Elders Of Zion", which you can even find online thanks to Neo-Nazis. The protocols were actually written by Zsarist secret police in Russia as part of a smear campain. Nobody in Russia bought into the bullshit but elsewhere in Europe it caught fire and although the book is a total fabrication it is still quoted by Anti-Semites today. Levin tries to keep the movie light-hearted but is constantly faced down with ugly reality, the fact is that people who hate Jews REALY HATE JEWS and they are incapable of rational thought. It borders on comic irony because the white, Neo-Nazi, theArab-American street punks and Black Militants all agree on the evils of the Jewish people AND the Protocols. This is juxtaposed with a Jewish woman who is marching in an anti-war rally who Levin interviews with a clearly anti-Semitic sign behind her. When she's asked about the sign she says that she doesn't care because she hates Bush so much.

Levin is fair and brave. He goes right to the various sources of hate and talks to them directly; he goes to the headquarters of the White Supremicist movement (the guy shows Levin his jack-boots with custom swastika lug soles), he talks to Black militants and he goes to a Muslem center that is holding an anti-Israel rally. He asks serious questions and receives serious and sad answers.

This is a good film. It makes you question some things that you believe. It is also painful because when people hate, they willingly believe things that they know are lies. It is a stark look at people and prejudice.

It's worth your time.